Now Bring Us A Figgy Suing

The content of this article comes from comedian A.J. DeMello and is for entertainment and comedy purposes.

If you’re a Raider fan, you’re a Raider.

So in a way, the city of Oakland’s Lawsuit against the Raiders and company to all of Raider Nation is a reaaal piss in the face.

An unforgettable, stank-fumed, stay-in-your-nostril kind of piss. The kind of piss that makes you wonder, “HOW bad could it be to huff paint?”

I mean, if you say that you breathe Silver & Black, then that’s technically one way you could prove it (please don’t prove it).

Oakland filed the lawsuit against all 32 NFL teams, claiming the Raiders relocation is not legal. They also seek hundreds of millions of dollars in losses.

A lease agreement between the Oakland Alameda County Coliseum Authority and the Raiders fell apart for the 2019 season after the lawsuit was announced early this past week.

Which means that the Raiders will probably play their last game in Oakland on Christmas Eve.

I wonder if anything could’ve been done differently even before the decision to move to Vegas.

Who knows, maybe things would’ve been different had Mark Davis invited Oakland Mayor Libby Schaaf to sit next to him on TV.

At least we could all laugh at that scenario playing out badly! Rather than watch the camera’s get a close up of a much younger, full of life, wholesome looking (young) lady sit next to a man who insists that he dress like God.

When the league voted 31-1 on the Raiders move to Las Vegas last year, Libby Schaaf said that Bay Area fans ‘deserve better’.

So she and the city of Oakland respond to the Raiders move with this lawsuit?

Earlier in 2017 Scaaf said, “I am willing to lose this team if public money is the issue.”

A true bitch-connoisseur.

No public money for a new Oakland stadium.

No new jobs that it would have created.

No more Black Hole.

No more bets on how many mice died in the soda machine with Fernando.

If you’re the Raiders, Libby Schaaf is kind of like that ex-girlfriend that won’t put out; especially after walking in on you fucking a 10.

If you’re exceptionally irritated over the move to Vegas, feel free to fart on a picture of Schaaf, record it, and tag her when you post it on Facebook.

Extra points if you sing Ice Cube’s ‘Good Cop Bad Cop’ while crop-dusting her cake hole.

Some people believe that the Raiders will still be playing in Oakland next year.

Personally, I think Gary Busey has a better chance of spelling the word, ‘philanthropist’.

The Raiders are being sued and it sucks, but they still have at least one more chance to get a win at the Coliseum.

One more chance to get sloshed all game and yell, “RAAAAAIIIIIIIDDDDDERRRRRRRSSSSSS.”

Just please don’t tell your kid to yell that if they lose you on their way in/out of the Coliseum. It’s bad form, and gives the rest of us pause before we go on ignoring them completely.

Get out to Oakland for quite possibly the last game there next week, Raider Nation. And don’t get mad if the rest of us give you shit for not wearing black.

You should know better.

For more of A.J.’s humor follow him on twitter @humorousfiend

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