The content of this article comes from the ambdubious mind of A.J. DeMello and is for entertainment and comedy purposes.
What do Greg Papa and roosters have in common? They’re both on the chopping block, and they both won’t shut up about it.
“They didn’t even tell me I was fired. Mark just texted me: ‘You may not think so, but dad would’ve wanted this’. Yeah well, he also would’ve wanted you to cut your f***ing hair.”
It’s barely been two days since the Raiders switched their radio play-by-play and color commentary team for Sundays, but already those men have started calling games elsewhere.
You’d think a jump from NFL games to this could be rough, but Greg Papa has been studying tape on cockfights for years.
“There’s no doubt that the dog fighting thing is cruel, I mean…they’re our friends. Chickens though? We eat you twice a day!”
“Shake your tail feathers,” says Tom Flores. “Whoever loses the match, we might eat tonight. ”
Sportscasters Greg Papa & Tom Flores may no longer be calling Raiders games, but they will still be calling other ones.
Very different other ones.
“…I don’t know if that other cock ever touched down, Tom,” Papa says to Flores, who is beaming like cluck.
“Man, he really got pecked good there,” says Flores. “I wonder…”
“-He’s getting up and flexing his wings…something’s different. I…I think I heard him say ‘cock route’,” says Papa.
“The other chicken doesn’t look so good now, Pap,” says Flores. “I guess that’s what happens when you feed a chicken another chicken before the match. That wasn’t us, by the way.”
“I want to thank you all again for tuning into Icluckradio,” says Papa. “Our sponsor today is CockOw Chicken…”
“-It’s different, but surprisingly good! Sure kicks my butt when I do crosswords on the toilet though,” says Flores.
“The chicken on the right, Alfonso, has started this fight out strong. He’s connected on at least 13 pecks in under a minute. The chicken on the left, Lance, unfortunately, is kind of a bitch,” says Papa.
“He would’ve gotten slapped in our house-”
“Tom! Haha…you jokester. Anyways, here we go round two! Alfonso jukes right, Lance scoffs and tries to run around him. Here we go – Alfonso closes in on his blind side ONE PECK TWO PECK THREE PECK-”
“Ohhhhhhh Lance is DOWN!! My mother would be disappointed in me but this is great!!!” shouts Papa.”
“Once again, we see an Al put down a Lance!” says Flores.
“Who needs an overhead projector?”
Flores is aghast at the carnage. “Is that…is that a stretcher?”
“No…let’s see…dear God! It’s a hot plate!!”
“Now we’re cooking!” screams Flores.
“Well I’m winded Tom, even though it was a quick fight,” remarks Papa, “And I think we’re f***king old,” remarks Papa. “That’s actually going to do it today for us. For Tom Flores, I’m Greg Papa. Catch you on the chick side…”
“These are chickens, Tom.”
“Is it cockle cockle?”
“Good night everybody!”
You can find Greg Papa & Tom Flores every Tuesday on Icluckradio. Fight times are mixed; like the feelings in your heart after this.