Mock draft season is in full force across the NFL content creator landscape. As we careen towards the 2023 NFL Draft in April, the prognostications will exponentially increase. Yet, to stay true to the “mock” in the mock draft hemisphere, let’s take a trip down the rabbit hole — the satirical Las Vegas Raiders NFL mock draft.
This was something I’d do on the reg during my initial Raider Ramble days, and with the blessing of the Ramble’s Authority, engaging in the lunacy again was deemed “best for business.” So here we go, one mo’ gain.
As the late great “Macho Man” Randy Savage once famously said in one of his high-octane backstage promos in the WWF glory days: “You may not like it but accept it.”
*Satirical* NFL Mock Draft 1.0: The Picks
Raiders Mock Draft – Round 1, Pick 7 overall: Will Levis, QB, Kentucky
With teams climbing the ladder to get ahead of the Silver and Black in order to snag the highly rated QB prospects, general manager Dave Ziegler and head coach Josh McDaniels are left to ponder this choice. Owner Mark Davis becomes the tie-breaking vote, noting that his preferred pants are, in fact, Levis jeans, hence taking the Wildcat. Davis squints and can’t help but see Jeff George reincarnated. And that means the return of the deep ball â€“ in this case, the Wildcat YOLO bomb â€“ which Davis finds too appealing. After all, Levis has never had a wide receiver the caliber of Davantae Adams to throw to — until now.
Raiders Mock Draft – Round 2, Pick 38 overall: Emmanuel Forbes, CB, Mississippi State
Irked by not being on the Forbes List individually — his Raiders are ranked ninth on Forbes NFL list at a value of $5.1 billion dollars — Davis presses his Patriot Twins to snag a Forbes in the draft. This Bulldogs corner is a thief and helps ease the pain of a Mississippi State flameout the Raiders took in the 2019 draft.
Raiders Mock Draft – Round 3, Pick 70 overall: Darnell Wright, OT, Tennessee
Ziegler is in the business of getting it right, so why not get off on the “Wright foot?” Las Vegas keeps their Levis from getting torn, and the mammoth right tackle fits the bill. It’ll be hard for both Ziegler and McDaniels not to notice Wright reminding them of Trent Brown.
Raiders Mock Draft – Round 4, Pick 109 overall: Cedric Tillman, WR, Tennessee
You can’t have YOLO bomb Levis if you don’t provide him with more weapons on the outside. Enter this Las Vegas native, who stands 6-foot-3 and tips the scales at 215 pounds. Ziegler sequesters Tillman to be a 24-7 shadow of Adams to mirror the elite receiver’s life pattern.
Raiders Mock Draft – Round 5, Pick 143 overall (from ATL): Henry To’oTo’o, LB, Alabama
Just hearing how the presenter announces this Roll Tide defender’s name is worth the price of admission alone. However, in keeping with the Raiders’ tradition of never taking linebacker seriously, the Raiders select a steady, but not flashy, LB.
Raiders Mock Draft – Round 5, Pick 146 overall: Keaton Mitchell, RB, East Carolina
Ziegler and McDaniels snag the next Ameer Abdullah with this pick. Mitchell can run and catch, and he should be one of the five tailbacks McDaniels keeps on the 53-man roster.
Raiders Mock Draft – Round 6, Pick 189 overall (from DAL): Josh Whyle, TE, Cincinnati
Tired of seeing other Bearcat tight ends flourish in the NFL, the Raiders roll the dice to make this worth-Whyle pick. He can catch and block.
Raiders Mock Draft – Round 7, Pick 198 overall (from ARI): Jaren Hall, QB, BYU
Davis got his quarterback at seven; McDaniels got his at number 198. The Russell Wilson clone gives the Silver and Black it’s Mr. Unlimited.
Raiders Mock Draft – Round 7, Pick 209 overall (from NE): Hunter Luepke, FB, North Dakota State
As one of the few teams to deploy a FB, the Raiders take a productive one. He can’t block like incumbent Jakob Johnson, but Luepke offers more as a pass catcher and runner.
*Top Photo: Vicky Graff Photo